Danita Pope: Random Impulse
Your propped pillow now sits wilting
From the remote, a sign only I can see flashes vacancy,
the word seeming to extend in the air just long enough for me to catch my breathe,
then its gone.
Now the TV stares back at me wondering if he can run thru the channels as fast as before.
I attempt to surf with your previous speed, but I am only a warm-up.
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This was a wonderful concise snapshot of one moment in the narrator's life. The sense of yearning was very sharp, a beautiful contrast to the soft sounds of the words and phrases used. I love that the pillow's wilting is from the remote, and I love the last line, but I am only a warm-up. What particularly stuck out at me was the image of signs that flash and vanish before we can fully read them; how this image of the flashing signs (a sight we're all familiar with) was tied to the feeling of something out of our grasp (which is a feeling we're all familiar with) was particularly well done. The voice is very distinct. I think the only constructive criticism I have is that I want to read more; just one line or a few words to deliver context would make it a little easier to get into the narrator's space. Good job!
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