Sunday, March 27, 2011

Random Freewrite 2: Week of 3/21/11

Two Tails
an episode
(1)





The Sheep and the Dog sat side by side and gazed down at their reflections on the surface of the lake. There was no denying that they looked quite different, indeed. One of them was horned (but not noticeably, you understand) and shaggy (quite a bit) and gray (or maybe white; it was hard to tell). The other one was quite smaller (but not dainty, of course) and fluffy (despite the muscle underneath) and a uniform mix of black and white. One was a Sheep. One was a Dog. There seemed to be no way around that.

It was a very long moment before either of them spoke.

"This must be a dream," the Sheep bleated in disbelief. "I can't be a Sheep."

The Dog sat silently for a moment. Eir ears twitched. Then: "I win!"

The Sheep already hated the sound of that yip.

For some time, they sat in silence. The Dog wagged eir tail contentedly, just a bit, but also quite nicely. Back behind em, where it was less noticed but for the thump thump of that bony fluff against the Sheep's bald back leg.

The Sheep sulked.

Ey would never laugh at a pumpkin-spinner's song again. Although ey had not been the one to laugh out loud, not ey. That had been eir sib, of course. Always ey. But ey promised very hard that from this day forward ey would never ever so much as smirk again at pumpkin-spinners and their songs.

At length, the Dog stirred.

"Could have been worse," ey yipped, conversationally.

Not likely. The Sheep couldn't imagine a worse thing to be, than to be a Sheep.

"You could have been turned into a peanut," the Dog continued, "and had a chipmunk shell you to death."

It was a long time before the Sheep trusted emself to speak.



(Don't ask. I have no idea. There's this whole saga of Sheep and Dog in my head, and I don't know from where.)

Random Freewrite 1: Week of 3/21/11


Antoine Dodson Doodles in Art Class
Revision 3
(Now trying something completely different. Well, sort of.)



My portrait mugs the internet.
An overgrown meme, a bias breeder.
They say I’m out of bounds,
unaccountable to common cadence.
--Yeah, me.--
Effeminate, I’m called. Hollywood’s old Sissy
back in prime time luminosity. Woman-ish.
--That’s right, boy.--
Sexless and two-toned like a Top Model menagerie
cut loose for time, spectacle and boneless design.
--Get this, uh huh.--
A face in bent motif, backdraft hair, intrepid teeth,
my body freefalling from a crack binge high.
--They say--
I’m an ungainly gesticulation.
Every movement maims momma’s baby daddy,
like he’s with me too flap, too slack,
self-portrait of dick, gender bent, in crayon-wobbled lines.
--Girl, please.--
Effeminate is not my name for me.
Paint me a face, Rembrandt. Interpret my cacophony.


Junkyard Quotes: Week of 3/21/11

1) "Some families will have lost everything but will be entitled to nothing, while others have the further indignity of having to continue repaying loans taken out on properties which no longer exist."

Telegraph.co.uk reporting on the tsunami/earthquake disaster in Japan. This is beyond comprehension to me, but I suppose corporations have lost a great deal of investments, too. I have to remind myself that, working in corporations that could also go under due to lost assets, are individuals and families. Still, you'd think after such a devastation, there would be a little clemency regarding loans. It made me think, perhaps bizarrely, of whether or not my novel is dealing with its own scenario of destruction with as much realism as possible. I have to be careful not to write a planet of hats, so to speak. Not everyone's loss is the same, nor do they all deal with the loss the same, nor will people ostensibly in the same "class" all have access to the same resources and for the same reasons. (I feel weird taking notes for my writing from an article like that, but it jumped out at me for some reason.)


2) Ursula K. Le Guin, regarding the theory that the only good sentence is a short sentence: "This is true for convicted criminals."

I love her. That's all. And a good reminder to me to not use an excessive amount of short sentences, which is a pattern I sometimes fall into for the rhythm of the story. Rhythm is good; short sentences over and over without end or emphasis are bad. In fact, they lose emphasis the more they're used. I get that, and I can only try to do better from now on.


3) "She would of been a good woman," The Misfit said, "if it had been somebody there to shot her every minute of her life."

I can't argue with the sentiment when it comes to this particular granny, although I'm not sure she was actually any better at the end than she was at the beginning. That said, the reflection of the times in this line, specifically reflecting the casual mistreatment of women that was prevalent even in men who weren't killers, is what stands out the most to me. That it still happens all over the world, and that I work with men who would nod their heads, smiling, at this sentiment and think women overreact to it, makes me distinctly sick.


4) "Hey. Good evening. It's been real."

Eric Smith was continuously quotable throughout his Soup Kitchen reading, but I particularly liked the casual expressions of "Hey," rounding out the reading. For fear of going on too long about him and Katy Gunn, I'll just cut it off here and save the rest for my report on the Soup Kitchen reading. Short & sweet: they were amazing. They made me (very slightly) less afraid to read my own work aloud.


5) "Before the starry threshold of Jove's Court
My mansion is."
"Above the smoke and stir of this dim spot
Which men call earth."
John Milton

This quote was in my Astronomy text, and I just love it. I love all things that make me feel the vastness of the universe compared to us and the fluidity of time and space. It makes me feel that we can never know what it's all about or how or why, and that's an incredible feeling. It's so much more exciting to me to feel that I'm part of the universe, just another part, rather than to think that humans are all that and then some, because that would speak poorly of the universe, if true.

Classmate Response: Week of 3/21/11


David Mathis: Yes

==========


I really enjoyed this piece, and I’m going to try to explain why. I have very little criticism for it, but I’ll go ahead and get that out of the way. There were a few times when you used a few too many adjectives, I think. Specifically, describing the old man, you used “scraggly” and “contorted” and “creased” to describe his face, the latter two appearing together in a sentence. I think just one would work to give us a picture of the man’s face in our minds. Also, “ceaseless stream” might be redundant; I think just “stream” would work to describe what the narrator is walking through. The sentence about the bluebird might be a little unclear. I think there needs to be a little more context to show why the bluebird’s song disrupted the mundane sounds of the city and took the narrator back into the past. When you get to the child, I think I would tie in that we’re reading about the child specifically rather than, say, the bus driver or someone, by writing something like “I could see the child’s little hand” instead of “his hand.” Also, I don’t think you need the specific word “naiveté” in the sentence about the child, since the reader is already likely to associate that quality with children.

Anyway, enough with the bad news. This was so beautiful and just the sort of atmospheric piece that I’m always drawn to. Perhaps you meant that it could be any city, because I wasn’t in any particular city but in a city of my own memories. I could easily place myself in the narrator’s shoes and feel the people around me and see the visions that he did. I loved your sentence flow here, from long to short: “The wind blew leaves into my face as I quickened my step—the crosswalk sign was fading, flashing a warning hand. Halt.”  I loved, too, how you used imagery we’re all familiar with to emphasize how sharply this man’s face stayed in the narrator’s mind: “His gaunt features etched themselves into my mind like the aftershock of lightning on the horizon.” I could see that so clearly. The segment with the child was my second favorite section. I loved how you described him and what he was doing, or likely to do. Again, I could easily see this image in my head, and sympathize with how the narrator felt, seeing/imagining this child. My favorite section by far was the end: “People once thought that pesticides were safe for the environment because after being sprayed, the fumes disappeared from sight, only, it didn’t work that way: the fumes were still there, but invisible to the naked eye. Maybe my breath was the same way.” And “Maybe all the world was covered in exhaled breath and insecticide.” I’m so jealous that I didn’t write that. It’s just glorious. (My only slight critique would be that I think you need a semicolon between “sight” and “only.”) And as someone who also uses repetition, I really liked the cold concrete theme there at the end, how you repeated the imagery without repeating the line word for word. Just beautiful. I loved it to pieces!



Reading Response 2: Week of 3/21/11

Steering the Craft
Ursula K. Le Guin
Chapter 3: Sentence Length

I was so encouraged to read the letter of a writer of Virginia Woolf's caliber, saying, "But on the other hand here am I sitting after half the morning, crammed with ideas, and visions, and so on, and can't dislodge them, for lack of the right rhythm." Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly. I was practically crying to hear how even someone so successful and skilled and respected has the same problems that I have. I've mentioned it before, but I simply can't write unless I hear the rhythm of the words in my head. Part of the problem is too many ideas and not enough clear direction. But even when I do have an idea, like the story I wrote about my Mom, it's so hard to get started and this is precisely the reason. It has to sound right, or I can't get it out. This wasn't Le Guin's point at all, I realize, and I appreciated the examples of sentence length and balance in the book, but honestly, what I took away from it was this big sigh of relief. "It doesn't have to end at a blank white Word document or sheet of paper, Sarah," is what I told myself. "Writers deal with this rhythm issue all the time and find ways to get past it. So get over yourself and start writing." I'm going to try to remember this whenever I'm discouraged and feel like quitting.


Chapter 4: Repetition

This chapter was enormously helpful to me and somewhat encouraging, as well. Repetition is something I find myself naturally drawn to as I write, whether it's prose or poetry, and I'm glad to see that it's not something that I necessarily have to abort to continue writing stories. What I need to do is dial back, I think, and learn when to use it and when not to, because (certainly for the story I submitted in class) the repetition is a little too overt and might not always add to the flow and content of the story. It might even detract from it, with someone thinking, "Why is she writing the same word over and over?" I have found that I do less repetition of words and phrases in my novel-writing and more of the sort of larger-scale "mountain" of repetition that she described, bringing certain themes or plotlines full circle from beginning to end. (Or, that's how it is in my head. I haven't actually written very much of the actual text of my novel so far. See above.)

Reading Response 1: Week of 3/21/11


Short Story Masterpieces
Flannery O'Connor
“A Good Man Is Hard To Find”



It feels weird to dislike something considered a masterpiece. It feels preposterous, because I’m lucky if I can string even two subpar sentences together on an otherwise blank page after days of fretting over it, so who am I to critique a great writer? I feel like that time in my senior year in high school, when my Humanities teacher put me on the spot to ask me what I thought of Jane Eyre (which we were reading in class), and I said, emphatically, “Boring.” He didn’t say anything but looked at me as if to ask, “How can you even exist?” Oh, well. I wanted to elaborate on what I mentioned in class, if only because I never explain myself well out loud and am better getting my point across when I write. (Or so I hope.)

Predictability was mentioned. My problem with the predictability wasn’t well explained in class, but it wasn’t the "suspense" factor now common in crime fiction or the plot structure itself (which was predictable thanks to the foreshadowing, but I didn’t have a problem with that, since foreshadowing well done can give the reader a sense of full circle at the end of the story). What I found predictable was the character dynamics between the grandmother and the Misfit, which is what the entire story is built on, really. If that fails, it sort of all fails. And it failed for me. She didn't do it particularly badly (aside from the melodramatics), but it's just a dynamic that I'm weary of. I couldn’t think of examples during class, but I wasn't thinking specifically of crime novels or even short stories, but all kinds of stories by all kinds of authors. Shakespeare, Hugo, Steinbeck, Dumas, all the way back to Homer, even Disney, etc. Tons of Japanese literature. Various characters (most often “heroes” and “villains”) have been directly expressing this sort of existential angst, speaking to each other to be more understanding, to be less cruel, to do this or be that or pardon this for the sake of [me/my child/my love/your wife/your unborn son/your cousin-lover-bff/etc.]. The bad man isn't truly evil, not really. He doesn't believe himself to be, doesn't want to be, feels trapped into being, etc. The good guy forgives, or is willing to. On and on. And on. But of course neither of them can really change the other, and that's seemingly rarely the point, anyway. Writers (including myself) seem to just love getting down into all that delectable existential material. So it just goes on. And on. I very rarely enjoy those kinds of scenes where two characters--no matter the circumstance but generally protagonist and antagonist--have these dueling monologues that go from angst into really self-important, this is the sum of me, religiously symbolic angst dialed up to eleven before one of them dies or kills someone the other one cares about or whatnot. To be fair, I’m lately far less patient with this particular writing tactic at (or, more pointedly, as) the climax of a story only because I used to watch Supernatural until it shredded my last nerve, and I think a good 90% of their episodes ends with one of the “heroes” and a villain jawing at each other for approximately 10 minutes, sometimes 20, and certainly from one commercial break to the next and final one. I’m just over the monologuing. I expect them in plays, but everywhere else, it has to be earned. Earned, for me, means that it’s not a character (like the Misfit) who just shows up two-thirds of the way into a relatively short story and spends the whole time making this self-important speech to another self-serving character who is doing the inverse right back at him. The grandmother earned her monologue, but the Misfit’s monologue was wholly unearned and dead on arrival for me. The fact that his scene revolved so overwhelmingly around his monologue makes the monologue the point of the climax if not the whole story, and that's where and why it truly failed for me. The fact that the grandmother’s monologue (I’m calling it “monologue” in place of “ramble”) revolved around the Misfit was just the final nail in the coffin of that scene. Too, too much. And then some.

It bothers me because A Good Man Is Hard To Find was going really well initially (after a “too many names” moment, which I'll comment on below) and I was enjoying the naturalistic and unapologetic way O’Connor wrote the dialogue and characterization. The scenes in the car were the best for me, very evocative of time and place and very clear in characterization. I was firmly in their story, whether I loved or hated or felt annoyed by them, because the story was allowing me to sort of naturally fall in step with them. It felt as opposite of put on as it gets. (As a side note: this is part of why I think Red Sammy was unnecessary. Three pages with him and his nameless wife, just to set up the Misfit, when a wanted poster observed from the window of the car or some such would have sufficed. I didn’t need the Red Sammy interlude to be more/less sympathetic to the protagonists. In addition to that, the interlude didn’t offer any new information about them, which made the interlude a criminal waste. In short stories, real estate is so important because there’s so little of it.)

To comment also on something mentioned in class, I disagree that the “you’re one of my babies” line was genuine. I felt it was the most self-serving line from the grandmother of them all, the most blatantly manipulative, and probably why the Misfit shot her, kind of like when someone says “I know just how you feel” after someone else has explained in vivid detail a horrifying event in her life. “Piss off!” is what I’d feel and probably shrug off her hand if she tried to touch me. Well, the Misfit had a gun and is a killer, so he shot instead of shrugged. That's my read on it. Maybe I’m projecting or maybe I'm too cynical, but the Misfit was just too full of granny’s bs at that point and went off. (Yay! The best part of the story, by far.) I felt that was the only genuine moment from him, and the least genuine granny moment (and O’Connor’s least effective line if meant to be genuine, even including all the religious symbolism). Really, this could just as easily be titled A Good Woman Is Hard To Find. The only cool thing about that scene to me (and this is based on me reading it differently from most of the class) is that they were both getting tighter and tighter latched onto their sense of self-preservation: the Misfit on an emotional level against the manipulation and the grandmother on a physical one against his gun/strength. Particularly the grandmother, who became so desperately focused on self-preservation that she grew less and less aware of the nonsense she was spouting and how over-the-top it was. They both made an instinctive decision in that moment, both of them bad ones, and what followed is what would follow. That was very cool.

Another problem I had (and I'm probably alone in this) was a thought that struck me at the beginning (and it was the only real problem I had with the beginning). “Too many names.” Awesome names, for sure, but just too many. Name after name after name, or, in the grandmother and children’s mother’s case, place-holders. The Misfit. Red Sammy. John Wesley. June Star. Pitty Sing. Bailey. Grandmother. Children’s mother. Baby. Too many names, too many characters, too many people to pick and choose from on who to care about and who not to, with too little "screen" time to encompass it. And some of those names were "Southern" almost to the point of caricature, which had the effect of turning the characters into cartoons. It's no wonder the grandmother wasn't the one named June Star, for instance, because that would have emphasized the already overblown nature of the climax: June Star telling the Misfit, "You're one of my own children!" It's not that I don’t think names have a place in short stories, but reading this brought back my thoughts upon reading “Popular Mechanics.” I prefer minimalism to paragraphs of expositional text and strings of character names. With names and cartoonish names and non-names thrown at me in such abundance, I didn’t know which character I was supposed to care for or if I was supposed to take this story seriously, and so I didn’t care about any of them, even at the end. (Well, I felt bad for Bailey, but only because I can’t imagine living with that madhouse, plus being killed by a crazy convict because a cat fell on his neck while he was driving pointlessly into the woods. That sucks.) Anyway, I remember something I read once in a genre writing book by Orson Scott Card (who I have mixed feelings about, but his writing advice is very useful). You have an opening scene that lasts two and a half pages between a taxi driver and the narrator/main character. The taxi driver is an obnoxious guy and leaves a strong impression as a distinct character in his own right. If this is a novel-length story, you don’t expect to ever see him again, except perhaps in passing as an aside, possibly one of the least important of the many subplots. But if this is a short story, by the importance given to his scene simply by its length, you expect him to be a major character. This is how I felt during the interlude with Red Sammy and his wife and, to a lesser extent, during the opening scene learning everyone's names, including the cat's. (The cat, by the way, was the only one I liked all the way through, and the only time I felt bad for anyone was when Bailey threw the cat against the tree or whatever it was.)

I guess my distaste for this story boils down to what we talked about in class during the poetry section and again during the Buffy episode: the hotter the content, the cooler the language. But in this story, everything was hot: the final situation itself, the content of the grandmother/Misfit conversation, and the language O’Connor used throughout the scene, dramatizing it even further. I felt like the Emperor in Amadeus, thinking “Too many notes. Just cut a few, and it will be perfect!” The Emperor couldn't answer Mozart's question, "Which few did you have in mind?" but I hope I've clarified exactly which ones bothered me, and why.